Mary Magdalene course Part 3

Mary Magdalene and the Escape from Egoic Consciousness 

I am continuing this online course Mary Magdalene: Apostle for our Times by noted contemplative scholar Cynthia Bourgeault.  I am printing personal reflection questions about this week's lesson.

Question 1

• Cynthia reveals how the Latin word passio (I suffer)—from which comes the English word “passion”—did not originally define positive life force as we now understand it. Rather, passio described the suffering caused in the person by being stuck in compulsive and addictive behavior. Cynthia says: “A person living in the  the passions is a person who is not free. The work of becoming a self-realized person is the work of confronting the passions, of looking inside and setting yourself free from the things that make you act out scripts that are not really yourself.” Take a moment to identify some of your passions, understood in this way. As you reflect on your passions, notice all that arises in you. Where do you have a sense of being gripped or stuck? What thoughts, feelings, or sensations comprise this experience? 
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•  I really appreciate Cynthia Bourgeault decoding the archaic language of the word "demons".  Cynthia replaces this word with our modern theory of addiction. I've recently become aware of my stuck-ness in repetitive scripts and patterns. I work in a cubical at a desk for 8 hours a day.  When it comes to paper-work that I don't like, I engage in repetitive expressions and self-judgment. In the work of Fr Richard Rohr, the gospel message of Jesus and Mary Magdalene directly corresponds to the same work of 12-step addiction recovery.  He calls for people to strive for "emotional sobriety". Fr Richard says that most thinking we do is an addictive pattern of "programs for happiness". My program for happiness is to please others by seeking esteem by working and performing.  They ultimately fail and leave me feeling stuck. 

  What thoughts, feelings, and sensations comprise the experience of pleasing others? The thoughts are of inadequacy, and constantly proving myself.  I feel anxiousness to anticipate what others want.  I have a feeling of enthusiasm and excitement when I identify a project to do for someone.  Sometimes when I'm unsure of the project or goal, I procrastinate and have a dreadful feeling of fear of failure.  This whole exercise is largely mind driven.  The sensations are tenseness in the body when unsure.  Sensations of energy and radiance when excited about a goal or project.  It has only been the last few months of working with my minister at Church for our Common Home, and reading Richard Rohr's book "Breathing under Water" that I have noticed these patterns.  So now, I directly relate to this story of passions described by Cynthia Bourgeault in the Gospel of Mary Magdalene.   

Question 2

• In this teaching we learn about the nous as the eye of the heart, that which perceives what is really real. The reason, Cynthia explains, that we don’t naturally see through the eye of the heart is because it requires a “purification”: a re-collection of the energy which we squander in our narratives and in the drama of our minds and reactive feelings. Have you had an experience of perceiving something as “really real”? What felt different about that experience and how do you relate it to the idea of the nous. What practises, arts, or texts help you perceive through the eye of the heart? 

I do have an experience of body perception.  During a meditation exercise, I was instructed to open my heart, breathe deeply.  I repeated the words "mercy", and then the French accented word "merci".  I sat at home at my desk.  I mechanically tried the exercise without special effort.  Immediately, I felt a sense of heart perception open.  I repeated the words.  My whole body jumped to a heightened alertness. My heart beat faster.  I had a sense of my body watching everything like a fox,  or like a mouse ready to react.  Hyper-alert, my body raced with a raw sense of animal awareness.  The fight or flight response triggered on, I focused like I was ready to chase something. "Wildness" is the word to best describe the state of being. This state lasted 10 or 15 minutes.  Right during the middle of this episode, my wife entered the room to ask me a question.  I fell out of the animal state, and answered her in normal human-mind consciousness. She left, and I immediately returned to this heart-racing mode. Thinking back, I am still shocked by the way I felt, and also by how quickly the awareness shifted in and out. How would I relate to the idea of the nous?  I feel like the nous would be a very body centered perception.  Body awareness, without judging and commenting, seems to heighten attention to the very present.  I am experimenting with practises of vibration and chanting within the body, and noticing sensations. The sound travels through the body.  In addition, a practice of silence helps me.  Without words draining attention, I feel awareness in the body. Listening quietly, the heart seems to have a weight and throbbing inside the body. My 20-minute daily practice helps me cultivate new sensibilities inward.